For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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