when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
