You really coming over, don't trick.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
