A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
