woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
