I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
