remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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