so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
