Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
