So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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