I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
