We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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