so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think your dad took our porno
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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