She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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