those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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