And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
