if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
