Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize