I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
