you traded sex for a burrito?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
