Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize