so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
either way he was missing a nipple.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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