when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
