Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
