Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
