If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
