I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
