the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
