Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
