Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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