It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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