they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize