I think I won the penis lottery.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
50% drunk capacity currently
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize