You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
