Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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