do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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