Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
