oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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