escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize