had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I want her autograph on my taint
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
