Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and she was petting her beer can
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
