I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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