Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
