I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Floor bacon is actually really good
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
