Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
