shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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