The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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