dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
