Hey man sorry I got all grabby
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
