Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
