I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
