The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
