Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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