im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
