i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
