idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
