how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
