I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
