I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
