My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
