Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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