We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
