Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
