so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I cannot find my penis.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
