he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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