i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
