she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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