I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
