Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
