I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
