Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So many bounce houses so little time
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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