if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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