Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
