i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
