Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My bed smells like the plague
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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