i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize