I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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