just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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