GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
