the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
