My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
