2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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