I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
