Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
