Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
