do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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