If that was your dad, he is hot
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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