My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
