Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
