Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
