The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to sanitize my soul.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
