The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
