made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
