I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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