I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
