broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
