Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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