4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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