I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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