Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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