the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
