if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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