And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
