why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
