i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
