I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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