can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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