Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
