Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Welp...herpes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im part way to drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
