We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
