My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
