I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
