watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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