I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
