Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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