found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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